Couples who introduce vibrators, dildos and other sex toys into their bedrooms have found an easy way to re-introduce the kind of sexy explorations they enjoyed in the beginning of their relationship.
Using a vibrator on your partner can increase arousal and maximize pleasure before and during sex. Persuading a partner to try a vibrator is similar to coaxing them into trying anything new, any type of change. Change can be unsettling.
Sexual changes can be even more so because they are so intimate and loaded with emotion. Some people fear that sex toys might “replace” them. You can reassure your lover that he or she is irreplaceable, that toys are just enhancements that introduce some variety and spice to sex. Do sexy movies replace you for your partner? Of course not. They probably turn your lover on so that he or she enjoys sex with you even more.Tell your partner that you feel the same way about sex toys.
Some people fear that sex toys are “weird.” They’re not. In fact, a recent survey by researchers at the University of California, at San Francisco, shows that 10 percent of American couples use vibrators and other sex toys at least occasionally, and that the number of sex-toy users is rising.
Some people believe that sex should be limited to what’s “natural,” just your two bodies with nothing extraneous. That’s a legitimate opinion, but chances are that your sex-toy-shy lover doesn’t really hold that view. Does he or she get turned on by lingerie? Erotic movies? Making love by candle light? Those enhancements are also “unnatural,” but they add spice to sex. Pointing this out might help to provide some perspective on your desire to introduce sex toys into your relationship.
Birthdays are a good time to make special requests. And Valentine’s Day is a good time to make special sexual requests. You might ask for a special birthday or Valentine’s sex date that includes a sex toy, perhaps as part of a romantic weekend away. If your lover consents to such a special request, be sure to tell him or her how much you appreciate it, and how erotic you find adding a vibrator or other sex toys to your lovemaking. Everyone likes complements from a turned-on lover. Your thanks and enthusiasm might prove contagious.
If your partner remains adamantly opposed to sex toys and you don’t already use a lubricant, you might try introducing that first. In our experience, it’s a rare lover who doesn’t find them sexually enhancing. Lubricants can help persuade people that sex toys can be fun.
As a last resort, you might buy the toy you want, use it solo, leave it in plain sight, and then tell your partner there’s only one thing missing… his or her participation
- Start slow: Save the double dong or strap-on dildo sex toy for future encounters. Try a nice, simple vibrator sex toy. Once your sweetie is used to the vibe, you can trade up.
- Be gentle: Your partner may like it on the rough side, but hold back a little the first few times you play with sex toys. There’s plenty of time to accelerate!
- Talk to your partner: He or she may have agreed to use the sex toy, but that doesn’t mean your lover is 100% comfortable with the idea. Talk your way through the experience. Ask your partner if what you are doing together feels good. If it doesn’t, try something else.
- Use lubrication: Sex toys need lots of lube to slip and slide the way the sex toy should. The last thing your girlfriend needs to worry about is whether she’s wet enough to enjoy herself. Similarly, you don’t want to risk injury to male or female partners by inserting something into a dry orifice. Keep a bottle of lube handy and use it.
- Be flexible: The se toy you’ve selected might turn out to be totally wrong for your sexual personalities. That’s okay. Put that sex toy aside and try something different.
- Be patient: Your partner may agree to play with the sex toy, and then change his or her mind midway through the experience. That’s his or her prerogative. Be patient and try again another time. It might take awhile, but it will be worth the wait.